I keep running into the same wall over and over again as of late. It's blocking my intuition and my creative spark and I'm not quite sure how to get through it except to throw my weight into it. Something has got my imagination in a choke hold, my drive is jammed so I'm just pushing through and writing.

It finally happened.

My roommates and their respective boyfriends were rehearsing their mock band in the basement 2 weeks ago and driving me up the wall. The asked me if I would like to join but I am NOT getting stuck playing freak'n keyboard. NU UH! So I graciously declined and offered to be their videographer "once they start playing gigs" (they barely have one cover song down...). I was leaning over my laptop when I got a text from a friend of mine, let's call him, Logan. He offered up his place as freedom from the chaos at my own place in exchange for company. Kind of awkward? Yes, I barely knew him, but I found myself pulling onto his street not 15mins later.

He made me a Shirley Temple with 3 maraschino cherries and we watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 until nearly midnight. We laughed so hard we were crying. As if fate wasn't clever enough, our humor seemed to revolve around the same jokes. We found many of the same things hilarious and many of a couple other things slightly average.
He would reach out and touch me, lightly and delicate enough to grant respect, but bold enough to incite interest. A man who can be assertive about things is a major plus, and a quality many men seem to lack. I smiled, a lot. I couldn't help but find myself reaching back towards him, begging him with my eyes to let me learn more, because something inside of me was telling me, I'm beginning to like this kid.

We had met the previous year in a History of Cinema class. He fascinated me from the get-go. There was something about the inflection in his voice and the way he carried himself. I wanted to know more, but was too shy to provoke a conversation. It wasn't until about 3 weeks until the end of the semester that he had happened to turn around and interject into a conversation involving 3 other people and I. I remember trying to hide how happy I was that he had finally made the move that I was too stubborn to do and how I was playing it off as just another conversation. When in reality, it meant so much more to me.

Summer came and went, and I thought nothing of it, until this year when he walked into my Production class. I smiled again.
He would sit next to me everyday in class and poke and prod. But I was too oblivious and set in my ways to take them as signs of infatuation.

Logan is NOT the type of man I would stop for if I saw him on the street, mouth agape and blushing for. He's so much more intriguing. He has about 3 piercing on each ear, not to mention a nose ring, and about 13 tattoos, including the sleeve on his left arm. With this appearance it would be easy, and justifiable, to write him off as some punk kid, when really he couldn't be more the opposite. He's intricate, a thinker, and the best straightedge I know. Right from the beginning he told me he doesn't do drugs, drink alcohol, and anything that seems to place him in a state of excess he avoids to the best of his ability. I was impressed and relieved. Not many people our age would willing admit to this or dedicate their lives to such a standard. I was finding myself more and more leaning towards a straight edge attitude. I didn't understand why or how people could enjoy drinking until they couldn't see straight. He couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

So here I am, a little star struck and loving every moment of it. I'm impressed by his wit, immersed in his incredible passion for life and his major, and almost overwhelmed by the degree of care and attention he gives me. His priorities are set, which shows his maturity, yet he would drop anything to help me if I needed it. He's a better person than I am. And that gives me hope for humanity and makes me strive to better myself. It's been a long time since I began to fall in love, and I'm doing it all over again. I'm relearning how to give myself over to someone.

I don't know where he came from. He pretty much crawled out of the woodwork and swept me off my feet. They always tell you, when you least expect it...

I have a class called Aesthetics of Cinema. My teacher is one of the sweetest men I have ever met and thus, makes the class that more enjoyable. But the topic of this blog is not about cinematography and, well, the Aesthetics of Cinema. But rather, I wanna talk about boys.

:takes a deep breath:

:lets it out:

So let's just say it's been.......awhile, since I've had a relationship. It certainly bothered me in the beginning, but now I've fallen rather numb to the whole idea and into an oblivious routine. Except for a few weeks ago.

I was sitting in class during a break, ready to watch our feature film, when a guy sitting a row in front of me had turned around and was talking to a guy two seats to my left. He hadn't really interested me at first; he really wasn't my type physically. (Does that make me shallow??) Anyway, I was eavesdropping over their conversation and something struck me. The way the he was speaking (the boy in front of me) his mannerisms, and the way he held himself was, well, peaking my interest. He just seemed genuinely intelligent, kind, and an overall well-put together man.

For the past couple of weeks I've been racking my brain on how to start up a conversation with him. Every one liner I could come up with was pathetic, and all around embarrassing.
"I really like your shirt." -Me
"Thanks"-Him
....yeah. And then there was a point where he was eating a burger in class.

"Hey, where did you get your burger from? I'm super hungry and it looks really good."-Me
"Oh I got it from blah blah blahs. Yeah, it's pretty good."-Him

But with THAT one, all we would ever have to talk about to open our conversations would be fast food...

Like I've said, it's been awhile. Cut me some slack on my socially flirtatious skills. They are seriously lacking.

I've been asking my roommate about what to do, and she's no help. I find those who have been in relationships for a year+ don't know a thing about how to flirt or grab some guy's attention.

The only reason I'm even trying to do this is because
A) There seems to be potential
B) He continually sneak peaks at me during class (showing his interest???)

I've sat 5 rows behind him during a discussion and I've caught him turning all the way around and sneaking a peak at me. At first I thought he might be looking at some babe behind me. But as I've changed where I've sat in the room (in attempts to figure this out) it has continually been in my direction. At one point, I sat completely surrounded by boys so...I'm hoping...he's not gay?

Anyway, I'm asking all of you all for some advice. Opinions, ANYTHING. I haven't realized how off of my game I am. But I don't know ever where to begin to get it back. Thoughts? Advice? HELP?!?